Robert Service, “My Bay’nit”

My Bay’nit

When first I left Blighty they gave me a bay’nit
And told me it ‘ad to be smothered wiv gore;
But blimey! I ‘aven’t been able to stain it,
So far as I’ve gone wiv the vintage of war.
For ain’t it a fraud! when a Boche and yours truly
Gits into a mix in the grit and the grime,
‘E jerks up ‘is ‘ands wiv a yell and ‘e’s duly
Part of me outfit every time.

Left, right, Hans and Fritz!
Goose step, keep up yer mits!
Oh my, Ain’t it a shyme!
Part of me outfit every time.

At toasting a biscuit me bay’nit’s a dandy;
I’ve used it to open a bully beef can;
For pokin’ the fire it comes in werry ‘andy;
For any old thing but for stickin’ a man.
‘Ow often I’ve said: “‘Ere, I’m goin’ to press you
Into a ‘Un till you’re seasoned for prime,”
And fiercely I rushes to do it, but bless you!
Part of me outfit every time.

Lor, yus; don’t they look glad?
Right O! ‘Owl Kamerad!
Oh my, always the syme!
Part of me outfit every time.

I’m ‘untin’ for someone to christen me bay’nit,
Some nice juicy Chewton wot’s fightin’ in France;
I’m fairly down-‘earted — ‘ow can yer explain it?
I keeps gettin’ prisoners every chance.
As soon as they sees me they ups and surrenders,
Extended like monkeys wot’s tryin’ to climb;
And I uses me bay’nit — to slit their suspenders —
Part of me outfit every time.

Four ‘Uns; lor, wot a bag!
‘Ere, Fritz, sample a fag!
Oh my, ain’t it a gyme!
Part of me outfit every time.

–Robert Service

Published by Victoria Janssen

Victoria Janssen’s writing showcases her voracious lifelong love of books. She reads over 120 new books each year, especially historical romance, fantasy, and space opera, and incorporates these genres into her erotic fiction. Her first erotic novel, The Duchess, Her Maid, The Groom and Their Lover (Harlequin Spice, December 2008), was translated into French and German. Her second Spice novel, The Moonlight Mistress (December 2009), was translated into Italian and nominated for a RT Reviews Reviewers’ Choice Award. Her third novel is The Duke & The Pirate Queen (December 2010). She has also published erotic short stories as Elspeth Potter. When not writing, Victoria conducts research in libraries and graveyards, lectures about writing and selling erotica, and speaks at literary conventions on topics such as paranormal romance, urban fantasy, erotic science fiction/fantasy, and the empowerment of women through unconventional means. Her daily writing blog features professional writing and marketing tips, genre discussion, book reviews, and author interviews. She also guest blogs for Heroes & Heartbreakers and The Criminal Element. She lives in Philadelphia.